Thank You

Until recently, I'd thought my life to be distinct. From other humans. From other animals. From plants. From the earth, the sky, the sun. Being a scientist I was always aware of the fundamental connection my atoms had with all else. I knew that my existence was a coming-together of dust, a fleeting moment in which this particular mass of molecules formed a conscious being capable of knowing itself. But that was where my understanding of the connection stopped. It was a purely material link I thought myself to be in, my own "free will" unaffected.

Now I know better.

I know now that my life is not entirely my own. Imprinted on my mind (and yours too!) are the seeds for a pattern that is as fundamental as the atoms composing it. I remember two years ago having an illumination of the fractal branching pattern so often found in nature, whether it be in tree branches, neuronal connections, or the interplay between galaxies. It fascinated me. Maybe it's more accurate to say it haunted me. Wherever I looked, there it was: the pattern. The branches. I observed that it was a characteristic common of many structures in nature, an architecture tailored to some law of the universe that allowed it to flourish and replicate itself across every level of organization. Even so, I cut my awe of it short. I could see the pattern, the branching, but I didn't consider the possibility that such a pattern could wind its way up through the layers of human consciousness, history, and spirituality. This is what we call archetypes.

In retrospect, it's an obvious conclusion. How could I be so blind (or arrogant) to think my own mind and the minds of others weren't subject to the same patterns? I let my belief in an objective, scientific explanation for the universe cloud my judgment. As with any religion, science is exceptionally good at causing self-deception. It's a helluva lot easier to trust in it, to believe in an "objective truth" (what a ridiculous concept, right?) that one may reach from a spiritually-detached place.

But without science, or rather without the knowledge it gave me, I couldn't have made the connection at all. The biology, the mythology, the dreams and the waking, it is all one. The same pattern repeats over and over again... It's as if nature is telling us, "Look! Didn't you see it last time too?" How gracious of the universe to give us so many chances.

I hiked up the South Cottonwood trail today (and you should too if you haven't -- it's an absolutely stunning piece of country). While standing on the top of a rock formation jutting from the mountainside, I closed my eyes and breathed. I breathed in the wind borne of the solar tide. I breathed in the sun, that great body which destroys itself to cause us to live. I breathed in the rock under my feet, the old bones of the Earth. I could only say one thing after that moment: "Thank you."

Thank you.

Love,
Connor